Sometimes when you live with a chronic condition, such as nerve pain or damage, your body works hard all day to fight the pain and at the end of the day you’re tired.
I don’t mean tired, like sleepy. I mean tired, like just ran a marathon. Your body needs rest.
I’m finding myself here tonight.
Most days I push myself through the pain, because my nerves need to relearn some pain is okay and normal.
It hasn’t been an intense pain day or week, but with the weather change and typical holiday stress, my body is marathon tired tonight. It’s been fighting hard to regulate pain and it’s ready to rest.
As I write this, I look down at the quilt on my lap, stitched with the hands of people who have walked this Lyme journey with me and I am reminded that even though I’m marathon tired tonight, I am also blessed.
Relationships I treasure have come out of my time with Lyme, many friends I now call family. I am thankful for each person and how God placed them in my life and I in theirs.
I am blessed, there’s no other way to say it! And I’ve been blessed in ways by them because of my marathon-tired nerves.
So, tonight I go to bed thankful, blessed, and ready to rest so I can wake up tomorrow and do another day.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.” – Ephesians 1:3
On Monday, my family was relaxing at the lake in Minnesota on vacation. The weather was gorgeous.
Then we received word from my sister, a tornado had flown over the house. We headed home and found this.
The bird feeder amazingly survived the storm, even though the tree it was attached to did not.
The house was miraculously untouched, as were many of the neighbors’ houses. It was an act of God where the trees had fallen. It was as if He had placed each as they fell.
Friends came and helped cut apart the trees. They brought chainsaws and were ready to help tackle the problem.
The ash tree in front of the house was cut down with lots of excitements and three attempts.
This Ladybug was a little “stumped” after the tree was gone.
The next day, more friends arrived to help move the wood away to the curb and to the new bonfire pile.
We built some pretty fabulous piles of trees, which reminded us of forts and hedges.
And decided it might be time for a bonfire or two…
We also had some fun along the way!
You could finally see the house again! What a beautiful site!
We are truly blessed by the kindness of others and in return, blessed to help others clean up from the storm too! Thankful the damage was not worse and pray for those who suffered from greater impact of the storm.
And, thus ends my tale of a tornado flying over the house.
At the camp I’ve worked at we sing a song called, “We’ve Got So Much” and the words go like this:
We’ve got so much, so much, so much
So much, so much, so much
So much, so much, so much
To be thankful for
We’ve got __________ (insert whatever your thankful for here)
To be thankful for
We’ve got __________
To be thankful for
We’ve got so much, so much, so much
So much, so much, so much
So much, so much, so much
To be thankful for
As I was thinking about what to write today, the only way I could think to put it was “SO MUCH!”
SO MUCH has happened in the last month and SO MUCH has happened in the last year! When I think about what all has taken place, my head begins to spin and I get overwhelmed pretty easily. A year ago I was angry, hurt, confused, trapped, and frustrated by my body’s limits. I just wanted to be well and couldn’t figure out how to get to that point. I spent most of my time laying on a couch watching TV because it took so much effort to move. I simply didn’t have the energy.
Fast-forward to today and I am in a completely different place. I’ve accepted my body’s limits and approach life with a different mindset. Although I’m not completely 100%, I’m working toward it and know that when I need to be, God will heal me completely. I’m able to do more than I physically was capable of a year ago and for that I am thankful.
So, how do I fill in the blank to the song above? My answer might go something like this…
Today, as many people celebrate love for one another and share valentines with those they love. Instead of sharing valentines today, I am sharing red diamonds.
“Why?” You ask.
Because of my friend, Josh, and his Red Diamond Days.
I met Josh and his family while working at a summer camp in 2011. Josh has been through a lot in his life. He was born with sickle cell anemia and had a small stroke when he was five years old. Now he has been diagnosed with Hepatopulmonary Syndrome, causing his liver to destroy his lungs and due to complications, he is living his last days of life.
In a hospice home during August 2013 while saying goodbye to friends and family, Josh began to hand out red diamonds with a simple message, “This is red because love matters. It is a diamond because God does amazing things under heat and pressure.”
And Red Diamond Days were born.
Josh is now, as his mom says, “a man on a mission.” He created a “Go M.A.D.” (Go Make A Difference) list and is shooting for miracles in his last days. One item on that list is to share 100,000 red diamonds along with the simple message that began in the hospice home.
Josh has invited others to join him in this initiative. So, today I share diamonds instead of valentines, to remind others that love matters and God truly does do amazing things under heat and pressure!!
To hear more of Josh’s story and see his Go M.A.D. list, check out the Red Diamond Days website (here). Or visit the Red Diamond Days Facebook page (here) to see how many red diamonds have been shared and hear stories from others impacted by this awesome initiative.
On a day when many people are looking forward to what this year will hold, I want to take a moment to look back at 2013 and rejoice in the blessings that it held! So, here is my 2013 in review…
What was the single best thing that happened in 2013?
The birth of a daughter to dear friends and seeing her grow up through her first year of life! (And being one of her favorite people! 🙂
What is the single most challenging thing that happened this past year?
Living with a chronic illness and the prolonged recovery time.
What was an unexpected joy this past year?
Growing in my relationships with my parents and friends.
What was an unexpected obstacle this year?
Living at home for another year.
Pick three words to describe 2013.
Surrender. Patience. Hope.
In what ways did you grow spiritually?
God has started to teach me that there is a language beyond words. It is the language of presence and what that looks like in my life.
What was the most enjoyable part of your work?
I don’t have a job, but I have loved every moment I’ve spent babysitting this year! The kids bring joy to my life.
What was the most challenging part of your work?
Setting boundaries with kids who don’t have many in their lives and seeing the change in those kids in the last few months has been amazing.
What was your single biggest time waster in your life?
Watching TV shows.
What was the best way you used time this year?
Helping and serving in many different ministries – Run Hard. Rest Well, Celebrate Recovery childcare, children’s ministry, Camp ministry, media ministry, Red Diamond Days, Children’s Christmas Service
What was the biggest thing you learned this year?
Surrender and trust God completely. Each day holds a blessing from God and there is joy in the journey.
What are some of your favorite memories from 2013?
A little Monkey’s birth and first year of life!
Getting the blog going for Run Hard. Rest Well.
Many trips and travels to visit friends and family!
Helping with the All Nations Outreach servant event and spending time at Camp Lutherhaven.
Trip to the Iowa State fair with my family.
Playing in the leaves with my Ladybug.
Laughter with family and friends
Create a phrase or statement that describes 2013 for you.
In the midst of pain, there is joy in the journey and from suffering come endurance, character, and hope!
After spending a day listening to Christmas music and reading my sister’s blog today, I have been inspired to share a few lists with you about me. I realize I’m a few weeks before the actual 12 days of Christmas, but I’m going to do this in “12 Days of Christmas” form.
My heart is yearning for what it does not have, what it cannot currently hold or be a part of…
…it yearns for conversation that challenges.
…it yearns to be well and know what it’s like to feel “normal” again.
…it yearns for words to complete a book.
…it yearns to travel and visit friends all over the country and world.
…it yearns for direction and the ability to move forward.
…it yearns to rejoice in a battle won.
…it yearns for full energy.
…it yearns to climb a mountain and go camping.
…it yearns for independence and freedom.
…it yearns…
Even as much as my heart, I am reminded of the place I am in, the day that I have been given to live. Although my heart desires to be elsewhere doing other things, it is a blessing to be here in today.
Today I have been blessed…
…to write.
…to physically rest.
…to connect with a friend far away.
…to help another friend pack to move.
…to do the dishes.
…to eat potato chips.
…to enjoy the beautiful fall weather from the porch.
…to feel pain and not let it overwhelm me.
…to share smiles with friends.
…to remind others of God’s love for them.
…to pray.
I have hope that one day I will be healed and able to live life the way my heart yearns to do. But I will rejoice in this day and be thankful for it as it comes. I am blessed to live the life I have been given – pain, Lyme disease, frustration, and all. Because it is those things that make the joy-filled ones such a treasure!
“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, NRSV
If you’ve ever started a fire, you know this only takes one spark to get it going, to get it growing.
Something inside of me was sparked recently, a passion deep inside has begun to grow again. It is something that I can’t explain other than to say it was a “God-thing.”
It is by His power, His grace, and His love that a flame is building inside me.
For so long, the flame of passion to serve and to love has been close to dead. Pain overwhelmed my every thought and all I could do was focus on my physical state and how I could change it.
Focus has shifted and things have changed, but not by my doing.
My eyes are on Him. His calling is great, even if it includes the words “be patient” and “wait.” It captivates my heart.
He is preparing me and stirring the fire once more.
The last two years have been the most challenging in my life. They have also been filled with the greatest blessing and much growth.
“See, I have refined you, but not like silver; I have tested you in the furnace of adversity.” – Isaiah 48:10 (NRSV)
He is refining me.
“In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,” – 1 Peter 1:6-8 (NIV)
I am not anywhere physically near 100% yet, and I’m going to need to be there in order to fulfill this calling. But God is good and faithful and He will heal me when the time is right.
“But it is for you, O Lord, that I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer.” – Psalm 38:15 (NRSV)
I trust Him.
Medications and vitamins, restricted diets and rest are still a very real part of my daily life, as is pain and fatigue. But my focus has changed. My eyes are lifted high. I am seeking Him first.
There is fear that this passion will die down again. That a relapse will happen and I’ll slip. Anxiety the devil is going to try to sneak in and divert my focus, even just in the little things.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” – John 10:10 (NRSV)
God is greater. He is stronger and more powerful. My God will take care of me.
He has built a solid foundation for me to stand firm on. He is growing a passion in my heart in ways I do not understand. I am hungry, yearning for more.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” – Matthew 7:7 (NIV)
I am asking. I am seeking. I am knocking.
He is stirring the fire again.
“The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do this.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:24
God is moving in my life, in big and small ways, and I have been so blessed in the midst.
Two years ago Jeremiah 6:16 was placed on my heart while I was working at a Christian Camp for the summer. This verse says…
“Thus says the Lord: Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.” ~ Jeremiah 6:16 (NIV)
How powerful these few words are. They ask us to look. They request us to ask and to seek. They promise rest.
It was this verse that really got me to question where my life was headed and how I was to live, to serve, and to heal.
I found myself back out at that same camp for a couple of weeks this summer and yet again this verse was placed on my heart.
I’ve started to ask some very similar questions to those I asked two years ago.
The difference is that today I am standing in a very different place.
God has been moving big time in my life these last two years. It was really neat to be back in the place where that started and to celebrate what God is doing with the people who have walked with me through some of the darkest days
God is laying a solid foundation for the days ahead.
After 9+ months at home, intentionally spending my days fighting Lyme disease, I’m mentally in a place where I am ready to start moving forward with life. Physically, however, my body is still not quite there yet. Pain, exhaustion, and annoying symptoms still plague my days.
But, there has been a change within me that goes deeper than the physical.
God has sparked a fire.
During the last year, I’ve had little desire to do much of anything, but over the last two months the spark has grown and I’m getting very excited for what is to come.
And not only that, there are doors opening up in front of me left and right!
But it is all connected to the Solid Foundation – my eyes and heart focused on Him.
Constant conversation with God and seeking His heart, asking Him to mold my own heart to reflect His more and more each day, have played and continue to play a big role in my life. It has meant taking time to listen for the still, small voice.
God has also blessed me with such a loving, Christian community. Time and conversation with my brothers and sisters in Christ, those who will spur me on, encouraging me, and who point me back to Christ when I get so excited that my gaze strays, have played a significant role.
I have been reminded that I must ask for what I want. That if I seek, I will find. And if I knock, the door will be opened.
Doors are opening, my friends. And I fall to my knees in awe every single time. The ways in which God works never fail to amaze me. His love for His children is indescribable.
Even as my body still fails me, God is doing massive heart reconstruction. He is preparing me. He is using my deepest, darkest moments to help me reach the brightest of days.
The physical healing will come in His time and way, not a moment sooner. But when it does come, it will be perfect timing. He is so carefully and brilliantly orchestrating all things and for that reason alone I will sing His praises from the mountaintops and live each day as the gift that it is from Him.
“Thus says the Lord: Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.” ~ Jeremiah 6:16 (NIV)
I’m standing at the crossroads and looking…asking…questioning, walking
”Lord, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. Amen!”
Well, I have been awful about writing this summer but there is a lot of exciting things that have been happening in my life that have seemed to consume my attention (it’s a good thing!). Here are some highlights from this summer so far to catch you up on the goings-on in my life and what other form would be better than a list! 🙂
Experiencing more energy
Bonfires
Stargazing
kiddos
Vacation Bible School
Precious time with a Ladybug and a Monkey
Lyme bacteria is dying…halfway there!
Starting to put my Lyme journey into words that will hopefully one day become a book.
Quick trip to the cabin over the 4th
No more sugar…or at least A LOT less!
Two AMAZING weeks at Camp!! SO Blessed!
new passion and desires surfacing
Laughter
Matthew 7:7
Sharing God’s Love with the Burmese
Jell-O Drop
Adventures in Odyssey
Prayer
Reading Books for FUN!!
Koinonia
Yearning Heart
Chipotle
Lots o’ Travel (did 6 states in 7 days!)
Friends!
Kansas Cousins
Letters
Many Conversations
Vulnerability
new found love for Paracord and Embroidery Floss and Knots!
Christmas in July!
starting to decide on a mountain to climb
Jeremiah 6:16
Going deeper…no masks
guitars
God’s Moving in BIG and EXCITING ways!
Lots of Reflection
HBOT???
Hugs
Emails and Skype and text messages and phone calls
“I Will Wait for You”
Eyes focused on God and moving forward!
And so much more is yet to come! I live such a blessed life and am thankful that God has given me a heart to cherish it! Hoping to write more on various things in the coming days, but for now enjoy the rest of your summer and the gift of this day that God has given YOU! 🙂
JoyfullyDancingDaughter 