Pain was never the Plan…

This year in confirmation class, I’ve had the privilege of teaching on Law and Gospel. During one of the lessons on the Law, we talk about sin and how we experience it. There are two ways…

1. By committing a sin
2. Experiencing the effects of sin

Every time I teach the lesson, it’s a good reminder to me that we live in a broken world. We have been redeemed for our sins, but this world has yet to be restored. (Spoiler alert, Jesus is coming back!)

Living with chronic pain, I’m daily reminded of the effects of sin and brokenness. It’s not how God intended for this world to be. Pain was never part of the plan.

But sin entered, bringing the pain and brokenness we experience each day with it. We can do our best to keep from sinning, but we cannot stop the brokenness that impedes ours lives.

Over the years, I have learned that pain is not a punishment. For a long time, it felt like it was…that I had done something wrong or was going to do something wrong and God thought I needed to learn a lesson from it. That simply wasn’t and isn’t true.

Pain is a direct effect of sin and the brokenness of the world live in. We can’t always control pain and it’s going to happen in life, no matter how much we try to resist or protect ourselves from it. And many times, that means we have to feel and experience it.

It’s not a comfortable place to be and when my body is causing it, it’s often a place I ask God, “why?” (And that’s okay to ask.)

I’ve learned that God is not punishing me with pain, in fact He cries with me and is present in the midst of it to help me fight it. And even though I don’t fully know why it happens, He does and I trust that He will take care of me and help me find the answers I need to know. I find refuge in Him as the Comforter who lives the pain with me.

Jesus felt pain as He grew up, when He wept for Lazarus, as He walked the road to Gethsemane, as He hung on the cross…

Our God is one who knows pain…our pain, experiences it with us, and reminds us of the hope in the days to come when it will be no more. He came to end all pain and suffering and brokenness. I may still have to live with physical pain today, most likely tomorrow, and perhaps the rest of my earthly life, but He holds me in it and reminds me that one day it will cease to exist. It is in that promise I find joy, the strength to do this day.

“See, the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell[b] with them; they will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more, for the first things have passed away.” – Revelation 21:3-4, NRSV

Ask the Questions…

Over the last few years, I have learned the power in asking questions.

About 7 years ago, fear had a powerful grip on me. It paralyzed me and I felt powerless, which allowed the stress to eat away at me and caused me to shut down.

It was about that same time God sent my question-asking friend into my life as I navigated through some tough storms. She challenged me to ask the questions inside me.

My brain is full of questions…why, how, when…some of which can be answered and some it is going to take time before that can happen. But none of them can be answered if I don’t ask them.

Fear had me stuck in the thought that if I asked the questions, I would be hurt worse. But the only way to know the truth was to actually ask the question, to be vulnerable with other people, and to seek the truth. Yes, there was risk that I might be hurt worse, but if I didn’t ask and that question continued to burn inside me, wouldn’t the fear hurt me just as much?

So I asked the questions and lately I’ve been reminded again of the power asking questions has to overcome fear and give peace.

The devil weaves his lies into the craziest and most unexpected places. He wants fear to eat us alive…fear of a hurtful answer, fear of the unknown, fear of not being in control, fear of whatever it may be. And he’s good and twisting the simple things to make us stress.

But God is bigger and reminds us not to be afraid and to ask questions.

1 Thessalonians 5:21-22 says…“but test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil.”

Asking questions is a good thing. It reveals the truth and what is good, helping to root out evil, lies, and fears.

I’m thankful for simple reminders to ask the questions on my heart, laying the fear aside. What questions do you need to ask today?

“You’re too much and not enough…”

“You’re too much and not enough…”

This is the lie the devil likes to use most often in my life.

He’ll say…
“Bethany, you can’t share that with your friend. It’s too much for them and they’ll be overwhelmed by your thoughts and emotions and you will walk away hurt from their reaction. They won’t get it.”

It’s a lie, plain and simple.

What do you do with this kind of lie? You speak truth into it.

Lie: “You’re too much for other people.”
Truth: “You are not too much for God. Nothing can separate you from His love. And you are loved by others, they will not intentionally hurt you just for sharing a thought.”
Words of Truth: “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:37-39, NRSV)

Lie: “You are not enough to deserve time from others to listen to what you have to share.”
Truth: “You are worth more than enough. God will always listen. Friends and family want to hear what you have to share, just as you want to hear from them.”
Words of Truth: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:15-16, NIV)

The truth is, the devil is going to spin lies, but we have a God who is bigger and has already won! And because of that, we can claim Christ’s victory and speak truth, knowing we are always enough for God!

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.” – 1 Peter 5:7-11, NIV

Climbing with Joy…

It’s moments like tonight when I yearn to stand on top of a mountain. It’s also in these moments I remind myself I have climbed a mountain and I am still climbing.

“Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.” – Psalm 61:2…my dream and my prayer for the past 5 years.

Living with a chronic illness is a daily climb up a mountain side. Some days are gentler slopes and others are equivalent to a quick ascent with no switchbacks. (If you’ve ever experienced a trail that doesn’t believe in switchbacks, you will understand what I mean.) Regardless, each one takes hard work, perseverance, and endurance.

Some days you reach the top of the peak, others you begin to climb only to realize you have to stop to breath and acclimate every two minutes or even turn around and surrender to the fact that the mountain wins today and you will try again tomorrow.

Living each day brings a roller coaster of emotions with it too… mental exhaustion, anger, excitement, and joy. Sweet, life-giving joy.

“…for this day is holy to our Lord; and do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” – Nehemiah 8:10

He is my strength, my song, and my rock each day. His joy is what carries me through. Through the deepest valleys and to the tallest peaks, His strength is what makes it possible each moment of each day.

As I have daily climbed mountains for the past many years, I have found joy even sweeter in the moments when the pain is overwhelming and too much for me to bear. When He is present and I turn my eyes away from my suffering toward His face, there are treasures found there…joy. peace. hope. love.

He heals my winded and wounded soul, brings me to my knees, and carries me, so I can climb another day.

Deuteronomy Dwelling…

This month God lead me to the book of Deuteronomy. It started with a quest in obedience and the freedom found in obedience to God. So, the journey through the book of Deuteronomy began.

I decided to go about it a little differently, really wanting to dwell in God’s Word. So I’ve been reading a chapter a day, writing out a verse in my journal that sums up each chapter, and then adding hashtags to summarize what I just read. It’s been extremely simple, but has allowed me to simply dwell in the Word, without a mission or goal at the end other than to know God.

“The Lord commanded us to obey all these decrees and to fear the LORD our God, so that we might always prosper and be kept alive, as is the case today. And if we are careful to obey all this law before the LORD our God, as he has commanded us, that will be our righteousness.” -Deuteronomy 6:24-25

#LovetheLordyourGod #HeartSoulMind #ObeyHisCommands #DoRight #righteousness #GodisFaithful

Through these dwellings so far, not only have I come to see God’s desire for obedience from His people, but that He doesn’t do anything unless there is a reason or purpose for it. There is freedom when we follow God. He desires what is best for His children and will work all things for good. We have a faithful and awesome God! Looking forward to more of this Deuteronomy Dwelling in the days to come.

Contentment in Joy…

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him. – Psalm 126:5-6, ESV

Tears.

Over  the past few years, I have come to know tears and pain well, especially living with Lyme disease. Pain is inevitable and tears happen.

I am not one who likes to cry, but tears are necessary and beautiful. They provide release and share emotion.

When we cry our tears into God’s hands, He catches each one and knows the pain.

Over time, I have become comfortable in the pain and tears. They are a space I know well. I can navigate it and for a season, they are what God has called me to live.

Joy.

It’s something new in my life, an indescribable something new.

During the past few years joy was present, but also distant. It is a part of life that I have loved and many days has kept me going, but it has been small…with room to grow.

Now I find myself in a season of life where God is calling me to live joy.

Pain is still present and the devil tries to pull me into it each day, distracting me from joy. But God is bigger and He makes His joy complete.

Much like the sun breaking the dawn, the joy grows. It’s beginning to explode.

I’m not comfortable with it, but I look forward to it and know that God is giving it. It’s big and loud and I’m not quite sure how to fully embrace it yet.

The challenge is waiting…and it’s going to be amazing!

Christ, my Brother…

Tonight I had the privilege of watching a mime rehearsal.

Every year the youth of my home congregation put together a Gospel Mime for Easter. It doesn’t sound like much, just a bunch of high schoolers running around with their faces painted and acting out Bible stories to music.

Not much at all, except…it is so. much. more.

They tell the story of Christ from beginning to end in way unlike any other, starting before time on earth even began. As you watch, you travel to the Garden of Eden, Bethlehem, the Jordan River, Jerusalem, and Calvary. The life of Christ comes to life and weaved throughout it is our story of redemption, too.

This year the concept of Christ as my brother hit even closer to home, as my brother is portraying Christ.

Tonight the group worked on the crucifixion scene and I had to hold back the tears, as they beat, whipped and hung Jesus on the cross to die. It was surreal to see my brother struggling to breathe, a spear stuck in his side as thunder rumbled overhead. I had goose bumps and the entire sanctuary was silent.

Christ, my brother, died on that cross. He died for my sins, wrongdoings, and mistakes.

A lot of the time we focus on His resurrection and the Easter celebration. But tonight, Lent became real. There was suffering and fear in the days following His death. It was as necessary as Easter, because without that time Jesus spent defeating the devil, death, and Hell, we wouldn’t have a reason to celebrate His resurrection on Easter morning.

Without death, we wouldn’t have life.

And, by God’s power, mercy, and grace, we do have life – one filled with absolute joy!

So, I challenge you, take a moment and really think about Christ’s death and the impact it has had on your life. How has Christ’s death brought you life?

If you’re interested in learning more of this amazing story, join us for the Gospel Mime at King of Kings Lutheran Church in Cedar Rapids, Iowa on Wednesday, April 16^th or Saturday, April 19^th at 7:30pm.

Next Week…

It’s taken a while to start to sink in, next week I start hyperbaric oxygen therapy in an effort to kick the remaining Lyme bacteria out of my body and heal my nerves that have been damaged by them.

Next week.

I don’t think I’ll fully believe it is happening until I’m sitting in the hyperbaric chamber breathing the oxygen. It has been a long journey to this point, but there is more road yet to be walked.

So this week is filled with packing, list making, and preparing for four weeks of intense treatment with the hope of full recovery. I have been blessed by prayers and gifts from those around me, helping me to prepare for the days that are ahead.

As I prepare for next week, one verse has stuck with me.

“We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)

No one knows what’s coming in the days ahead, if anything I’ve learned that over the last two years. Each day comes one day at a time, one moment at a time, and that’s how they are to be lived. We can make plans, but they will change. But, God’s got this day and He has tomorrow too.

The next step in my journey is just about to start and I’m ready to find out where God will direct me next!

3 phrases…3 little words…

There are three phrases, each with three words…

“I am sorry.”

“I forgive you.”

“I love you.”

Three phrases we teach our children to say.
Three phrases to convey sincerity.
Three phrases requiring vulnerability and humility.

“I am sorry.”

“I forgive you.”

“I love you.”

Three phrases rarely said in today’s world.
Three phrases we choke to get out.
Three phrases replaced by words of anger and hurt.

“I am sorry.”

“I forgive you.”

“I love you.”

Three phrases filled with power.
Three phrases of mercy and grace.
Three phrases communicated with God and God with us.

Three phrases…three little words…

“I am sorry.”

“I forgive you.”

“I love you.”

Silent No More…

I’ve held my tongue for long enough and I can’t do it anymore. What this world is turning into infuriates me! The way that we treat each other is absolutely appalling! And it needs to be called out.

Technology has taken over our lives. We no longer have to be personal or truly share life, it’s “all” out there and is done for us…through Facebook, Twitter, social media, etc…

As my mom says, “It seems like people have forgotten that phones were made for calling people.”

For the past three years I have noticed a trend on my birthday…more Facebook messages, no phone calls, fewer texts, and even fewer birthday cards.

My love language is quality time. When someone takes the time to pick up the phone to call me, sends a letter, or prays with me it absolutely makes my day! My heart rejoices in the time spent connecting with that person. This is the best gift I could ever be given.

We, as a culture, have neglected to take time to care and share with others how we feel about them, unless prompted by Facebook or another form of media to do so.

But my frustration goes beyond this…

These day, people are speaking poorly of one another and using words like “idiot” and “stupid” and “moron” as if it’s okay.

Girls believe they aren’t beautiful because that is the message the world sends them daily.

Conflict is running rampant. It has not been dealt with, causing anger to grow and people to become more resentful.

We refuse to open our eyes and see the hurt happening around them, and if they do see it they aren’t doing anything to stop it.

The phrases… “I am sorry.” “I forgive you.” and “I love you.” …have become a foreign language in our world. They are three of the most powerful phrases, yet some of the most unused.

This breaks my heart.

It is NOT okay.

The devil is having a field day, people! I am just as guilty as the next person of sinning and will be the first to admit it. But sin has overtaken our world…and we are HELPING it!

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;” ~ John 10:10, NIV

So today, I am going to begin making a conscious effort to pick up phone or write (and mail) a card to share with others just how much they mean to me, especially on their special days. I want to know those around me and walk with them, just as God walks with me.

To live as Christ desires me to…

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
~ Romans 12:9-21, NIV

Will you join me?

Will you take time to write a card or say, “I love you?” Maybe you know someone struggling and they just need a hug. Is there a young girl in your life who doesn’t see themselves as beautiful? Or would you take a moment to ask and listen to how your child or spouse’s day went? Is there a conflict that you could help resolve by saying, “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you?”

Sin may be running rampant, but we can run too…as little lights of God’s love, mercy, and grace!